Saturday, October 16, 2004

The Great Mother Goddess Kangaroo!

A cautionary note!

Dear fellow cyclists,
We live in a beige world, and if you're gonna show your colours, you need to be very bloody careful which flag pole you run 'em up. So pl-e-e-a-a-se, don't all go rushing off to Tasmania at once like a pack of school kids on parade sans knickers. I don't wanna pick up the Bangkok Post one day next month and read:

Australia, Monday: Cradle Mountain officials bewildered at sudden surge in international cyclists to Park!

Why? Because it's only a short step away from:
-----------------------------------------------
Marsupial Monster Nabbed at Airport!

Melbourne, Frid: Kangaroo molesting cyclist Mr Felix was detained today as he attempted to slip through immigration at Melbourne International Airport.

A defiant Mr Felix was led away by Federal Police, shouting: Infidels! Infidels!

He faces a maximum life sentence if convicted, and a 3 million dollar fine.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

And I can hear them baying in the back streets of Melbourne.
Person 1: I always knew he was no-good! When we went to the Melbourne Zoo he took an unnatural interest in the monkey cage!
Person 2: Yes, dogs! Dogs! He always made a point of patting my dog whenever he came to visit. Egad! It makes me sick to think about it!

OK, folks, keep the rubber side down and may the wind be at your back,
your cycling pal,
Mr Felix - Phuket, Thailand


2 comments:

Mark said...

Yes ive been re-thinking the staple idea perhaps a little harsh, but no pain no gain, something you seem to know and testing rather a lot recently Mr Felix! That or God has taken back to smiting in a big way:)Although he has been very kind to me, only one nice refeshing rain storm since I left Bkk two weeks ago!


For the bum padded Tuk Tuk tourists, Perhaps a 'free treatment' voucher from a Cambodian doctor with every copy of Mr.Felix's blogg. Knowing most backpackers they would jump at the chance and make something up if the word free was involved.
'yes doctor I have this pain on my head'
'OK I clean!'


I had a simular man-animal moment today with an Elephant in Ankor Wat, so impressive being next to one of those huge creatures.
Although I must admit, my curiosity has been stirred for a perfect pouch experiance, what have you done!!

Hope everythings ship shape for your voyage, have you been assigned a rank?

Later
Mark

Mr Felix said...

Mark,

>Yes ive been re-thinking the staple idea perhaps a little harsh, but no pain no gain, something you seem to know and testing rather a lot recently Mr Felix! That or God has taken back to smiting in a big way:)

God hates me, Mark, I'm convinced of it.

>Although he has been very kind to me, only one nice refeshing rain storm since I left Bkk two weeks ago!

He obviously loves YOU. But me, no.

>For the bum padded Tuk Tuk tourists, Perhaps a 'free treatment' voucher from a Cambodian doctor

A Cambodian proctologist*!? Christ! What a thought!
*Bottom doctor, if you didn"t go to school.

> 'yes doctor I have this pain on my head'
'OK I clean!'

Yes, this would be a good line in the Lonely Planet Cambodian phrase book:
"Doctor, I have this pain in my (insert name of orifice here)!"
Also, the Cambodian for:
"I will amputate now!", which would be handy to know.
I'm sure you can think of a few more.

>I had a simular man-animal moment today with an Elephant in Ankor Wat,

You STUCK YOUR HAND UP AN ELEPHANT?! Kee-riste!
Mark, that may be taking it a bit far, mate!

This actually reminds me of a ghastly story I heard from someone in Thailand some years back. They were at the elephant performance in Chiang Mai, and somehow an elephant sat on him, and his head went up it's behind.
Now I'll admit that it sounds incredible, and smells like a Thai Urban Myth, but I did hear it all the same, and I WANT TO BELIEVE IT!
Apparently he was quite ill for a while, 'cos elephants really smell.
I was stuck behind one once on my bike, and couldn't get past, and I tell you, elephant flatuation is something to behold! Yeek!

OK, enough scatology for the day.

>Hope everythings ship shape for your voyage, have you been assigned a rank?

What's German for "swab"? I'm the lowest of the low, the bitch with fleas, the cabin boy's cabin boy. Ouch!

But I'm willing to suffer for my adventure, as you know, and besides, I know a good proctologist in Cambodia when this is all over.

OK, mate, cheers,
Felix - on the Kubklai's Khan II in Phuket.